So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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