We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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