I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
