So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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