I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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