We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
