He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
