She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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