Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
