This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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