wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
