so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am spending my child support on dildos
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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