yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
