can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
