i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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