see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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