I faked an abortion last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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