So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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