One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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