Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
