things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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