I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
