I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
