Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
