Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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