last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
