My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
