how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
