my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
