when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
