Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
