A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
