I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
not ubering you a puppy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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