u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
