I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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