I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
