What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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