Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
