In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
