i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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