tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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