why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
