Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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