So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
