so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
