Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
