I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
