im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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