So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it penis luge time yet?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
