Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
