I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
