just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
