Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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