I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
